Like many people in Britain this week, I've been watching the love-in between President Obama and David Cameron with a mixture of happiness that my country is still at the forefront of things and real scepticism.
It's all very stage-managed, of course, so much so that it leaves you wondering just how genuine the so-called Special Relationship really is. Britain and America obviously share a lot of history, some of which we're proud of and some obviously less so. We have a lot of cultural ties as well, but ours is primarily a military and economic alliance.
Whenever I see the PM and US President giving a news conference, I always think (with a wry smile on my face) of Hugh Grant's brilliant speech in 'Love Actually'. That speech is among Richard Curtis's best work because it perfectly summed up Britain's feelings towards the US during the build up to the Iraq War. It's the speech we all wanted Blair to make, but that he never did.
I doubt America has a better ally than us, militarily. We've shed a lot of blood to keep the Special Relationship alive and well, but what we've gotten out of it, I'm not really sure. Britain isn't a land of fools; we know that China, India, even Brazil are probably more important nowadays to the States (economically at least, and economics are all that matter) than we are. Our influence on America has always been an illusion, and it'll only become more so in the future.
When it comes to Britain, America is like a really attractive woman teasing a not-so-attractive guy. You think you have a chance with her; maybe she even shows you a nice smile; but all she's really doing is getting you to buy her a drink or do some DIY for her while all the time keeping you at a distance and giving other guys the same impression. In short, where is America in the current Falklands debate? I'll tell you where: they acknowledge our administration of the islands but won't be drawn on sovereignty. How nice. I doubt the sovereignty of the numerous islands around the world they use as military bases is in any question.
This is possibly the only matter on the table right now in which Britain could use some American help, but they're not going to give it to us. Why? On the surface, maybe it's because America (officially at least) is an anti-imperialist country, even though they possibly have the biggest unofficial empire right now that the world has ever known. The real reason, though, is because Argentina are very close to Brazil and Brazil's economy has just overtaken Britain's for the first time. Being Britain's friend isn't as lucrative as it used to be. Who knows what's going on behind the scenes and I'm sure Cameron's brought it up with Obama, but we shouldn't get our hopes up.
The Special Relationship is only special when the cameras are rolling. The rest of the time, it's pretty standard.
